Struggling to catch up and a very odd dream...

I'm not sure when I lost my footing on our expenses and the past couple months have been the toughest budgets that we've had to work with.  In the past couple months, we really are living paycheque to paycheque and I'm feeling confused and overwhelmed at the fact that the budget spreadsheet shows all the numbers lining up and working out and yet in real life we're struggling.  I know there's the odd birthday party gift that I failed to include in the budget, but after all the expenses have been covered, there's a comfortable amount left in the account, at least that's what I see.  It is time again to re-visit the budget spreadsheet and figure out if there's a better way to track our expenses. 

I do hope that by Friday, all bill payments will be caught up and I can start fresh again.  I'll have updated numbers to post.  I don't think they'll look very pretty but I need to try again, I need to try harder.

The other night I had a very odd dream.  The ex-bf has reappeared in my life and was trying to get back together.  I was very angry in my dream towards him.  I questioned how he was able to take advantage of my generosity and then just walk away from the relationship without taking care of his financial obligations to me (money borrowed).

I think I'm still very bothered at how financially irresponsible I was in that relationship.  And how I allowed myself to be taken advantage of, all because I thought I was in love.  I sometimes wonder if he'll ever step up and pay off what he owes me.  Highly doubtful, but I still saw him as a good guy and someone who would want to pay off his financial obligations.

Oh well.. definitely a lesson learned the hard way.